Think Snow

Yeah, yeah, I know it's only August but it's been HOT and smokey and the neighbors are getting restless.  We are all starting to THINK SNOW!

Too early?

Goodbye July

31 years ago today, my mom, who was 57 at the time, passed away.  31 years, that's over 11,315 days, and I have thought about her and missed her on nearly every single one.  Excessive?  No, not really.  If you've lost someone you love, you know that's just the way it is.  You also know that Kubler-Ross has ca-ca stains in her underwear.  Seriously, those stages?  They certainly aren't linear.  They are more like a big Rubik's cube, ever shifting, rising and falling, a force that you carry around.  Anger, sadness, happy memories, regrets, all there in one awkward bundle.  31 years, I've been holding my bundle.  Acceptance?  Did she really use that word?  HA.  Well, you get used to it.  Perhaps that is all you can hope for, and in this life, we can get used to a hell of a lot.  Meh.  I'm going to go get a massage.  Later in the day I will probably have a shot and a beer, listen to Eddy Arnold and cry like a baby.  It will feel good.  Let it all out.  Tomorrow?  Well that's day 11,316.  I will get up, the sun will shine, I'll make coffee and maybe paddle the lake, move along.   We all still miss you Mom. 

July, what a month.  There were some good times, in the mountains there are always some good times.  Here, a few scenes.....

Blueberry field with a view

Picking?  or eating?

Lovely bus

It's not an ocean but it will do

Goodbye July!

Let's Catch Up....Over Coffee

I did try to give up coffee.  Really I did try.  I made it almost a month but honestly, I never popped out of that zombie stage and went through my days feeling like a grouchy sleepwalker.  Then I ran into a woman I know, an older and much wiser woman.  She told me she had had to give up coffee a few times and found the thing to do was to have "a little bit of coffee every day".  Sounded so simple.  Sounded so Yoda-like.  Coffee, little bit you must have.  My brain latched on to it and I turned it over and over in my mind. I decided that if I was going to have coffee it would be really good coffee. And that I would make it at home.  So, I went back to my old coffee snob ways of grinding my own beans and paying attention to the details.  I got help online, of course, at stumptown.  The result has been some damn fine coffee.

So, let's catch up....June was a month that brought a lot of sadness to our lives.  We took it in, moved along.   July opened with the promise of blue skies, warm sunny days, trips to the lake and summer plans.  We got to the raceway to watch some vintage auto racing.  We celebrated our 24th anniversary with a Dwight Yoakam concert and a Twin Peaks themed date night.  It was lovely.

But, on July 10, we learned the tragic news that a close friend of my son had passed away.  It has left all of us so saddened and heart broken.  I know that my son will always miss him.  It has become a part of him.  And it grieves me as a parent both to think that other parents are hurting (fathomless hurt) and that my own son and daughter have known such sorrow in their young lives.  I couldn't keep it from them.  I couldn't shield their eyes during that part of the movie or whisper so they wouldn't hear.  We talk about it, grieve and move along.  

One thing that I will say about finding peace in a tough time, is that the mountains seem to soothe all wounds.  I have walked out, to the top of the "hill", many times, to seek answers to life's sad questions.   I don't really find an answer, but I do find some solace.  I find the larger picture and while it often makes no sense, I find beauty and peace, and that gives me the strength to go back down the mountain and face life's sorrows and challenges. Stay strong, do not weaken...lace up your shoes, pull on your pack and move along. 

Magic Summer Glitter

I've been thinking a lot about what summer means and what makes summer feel like SUMMER.  So here's my list of things, sort of the magic ingredients, the magic glitter if you will, that makes it all come together and feel like the season of our dreams and memories .  What makes your summer SUMMER?  Here's my current list....

1. Eating ice cream outside.  Even more magic glitter if you wait in line for it and it drips down your arm as you eat it. 
2. Berry picking.  You know, a big hot field , cobwebs in your face, a bucket, eating while you pick.  Overhearing dumb conversations and moms yelling at their kids.  Taking the berries home for waffles, jam, muffins, pies, shortcake, tarts, pancakes, syrup, eating.  
3. River wading.  Cold water, rocks, the sound of water moving along, sunlight dappling the pebbles, a wet dog or two.
4. Cooking hot dogs on sticks. a campfire. smoke in your face.  Bun, what bun?
5. Road trips.  anywhere. Cooler full of drinks, bags of food.  Traffic.  windows down.
6. Reading list. Books all over.  sand and food crumbs between the pages. Reading one more hour 'til you finish even though it's after midnight.
7. Summer fruits.  Peaches, plums, cherries, melons.  Waffles , jam, muffins, pies, shortcake, tarts, pancakes, syrup, eating.
8. Flowers.  Sunflowers in particular, all over in big vases.  The little bugs that come in with them. Petals on the counter tops.
9. Fireworks.  not just on July 4th.  But that box of left over ones from every year you've ever bought them.  On a Tuesday, or a Sunday.  Just because you have fireworks and a lighter. 
10. My birthday. August.  presents, cake, beer, candles, fireworks, flowers, eating ice cream outside.  watching JAWS.    

    

    My favorite flowers

    
    

    

    a previous road trip to Portland OR

    
    

    

    Fireworks and a mountain view

Summer Reading

Every summer I pick a pile of books and get reading.  I give myself a guideline of choosing one book from 5 different categories:  bestseller, nonfiction, classic literature, a random title and a sci fi book.  In the past I chose books that often only met one requirement....easy reading on a coast to coast airplane trip.  (I've read every single one of Daniel Silva's spy novels because of that!)  Some of the non-fiction have been biographies, Agassi's Open, or Alberto Salazar's life story, 14 Minutes.  And I also like history so Nathaniel Philbrick's books have been a lot of fun. In the Heart of the Sea,  the tragedy of the whaleship Essex, was my favorite!  I am a big fan of Haruki Murakami, (1Q84 wasn't a book as much as a place I visited, LOVED it) and I also have read the entire Virga series by Karl Schroeder.  I have two standbys that I usually drag out and reread again and again, Melville's Moby Dick and Kate Chopin's The Awakening. I've got my books ready, in fact have already read 3 books and here it is only June 25!  I've got the perfect place to read too....

This pile of books

that hammock

current read

Do you like to curl up with a good book?  Got a favorite beach read?  Summer reading, it's one of my "summer magic glitter" ingredients.....Cheers!

Linger a Little

We needed to run into Seattle on Tuesday and it was an overcast, blurry day.  Perfect for some Ivar's fish and chips and chowder.  It was a good break in our day, a chance to linger over a local favorite and slow things down a bit.

That was Tuesday and here it is, already Friday.  I've been asked a few times today if I have plans for the weekend?  Well, no, no I don't.  I seem to be caught in a limbo between wanting to plan every day and make sure I get "things" done and absolutely wanting a completely free calendar, every day open, no plans, just time to linger.  

Tomorrow is the first day of summer and I am excited that it's finally here!  But summer feels completely different to me at 50 something , than it did at 20 something, or even 30 or 40 something.  It's lost that spark, that spontaneity that makes it so fabulous.  It also has become incredibly short!!  In decades past it used to stretch out before me like a dream, warm days, road trips, the kids playing in the yard and swimming in the river.  Now it feels like summer lasts about a week or two, 3 days maybe.  How do you slow it down?  How do you make it last?  I'm going to try to wave a magic wand over it and weave some sort of dreamlike glitter into July and August.  If I find the magic mix to slow down the season and linger a little I will let you know!  Do you have anything planned for the weekend summer?  

Monday Things

My two favorite dads....

me with my dad, November 2010

my son on left and my husband, hands in air, having some coaster fun

Hope you all had a fabulous Father's day!